What’s in a word? Frankly, everything. What you say, how you say it and when you say it all have a tremendous impact on how a message is received or even if it is received at all. As Christians, we have a responsibility to take great care with our words, for as we are reminded in the Book of Proverbs (12:13): "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing".
The spoken, written and the digital word have tremendous power. Today, we receive messages from a multitude of sources: phone calls, phone messages, e-mails, facebook, twitter, blogs. It is almost becoming a thing of the past to communicate one-to-one. Everyone seems to rely on the easiest method possible. I am reminded everyday that we are in a ministry of service to people; the people who ask for our services, the people who work at our agency, the funders and donors who contribute to supporting our ministry, the volunteers who come through the doors each day to give of their time and talent. It’s people-to-people and that must involve effective, compassionate and productive communication.
More than any action we take, what we say and how we say it, can affect people in a significant way. Think about the last negative communication you had with someone. Maybe someone was rude to you on the phone, or a family member yelled at you, or a colleague sent you an email criticizing your work. How did it make you feel? How did it change your relationship with that person? Did that experience make you respect them and listen to them more or did it shut down communication; make you feel angry and feel like walking away. Maybe it even made you leery of future communications.
There’s no doubt about it, the way we communicate can affect how we view people and how other people perceive us. Good verbal communication is everyone’s responsibility and is especially in the ministry of service to others. We are all human, therefore, there are times, and I’m sure that each of us has been wounded by the words of others, or, we have said something or sent an email that wounded another. As a result, barriers were raised between people and communication became less effective.
In communicating with one another at work, at home, at church or in the community, we should follow the words of St. Paul in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.” Being kind in our communications doesn’t mean we avoid addressing conflicts or problems. It does mean, however, that we treat, listen and speak to one another with the dignity and respect that Christ calls us to have for one another.
So how can we improve our ability to communicate effectively? I think one of the most important components about communications is listening. Listening is an intentional act. When we fail to listen, we communicate that we do not care about the thoughts or ideas of the other person. Listening means not only hearing the words that someone says, but also what they mean. But good listening skills are not developed overnight. You have to practice listening. Try it with a co-worker or your spouse. Listen to what they have to say and then, rather than immediately thinking about your own response, check in with them to make sure you really heard what they had to say. Recall a time when you felt really heard and understood by another. How did that experience make you feel? Did you validated and understood? Did that experience make you want to in turn, hear what the other person has to say too? To be really good communicators, as Christ intends us to be, then first we need to learn to listen.
But listening is only half of the equation. In addition to listening, we must be able to convey our ideas and thoughts with clarity and respect for the other person. Harriet Meyerson, founder of The Confidence Center, offers 7 tips to more effective communications in the workplace. I think these are equally applicable in other parts of our lives as well.
1. Personal contact is important. People relate to one another better when they can meet in person. If personal contact is not possible, the next best way to connect is by talking on the telephone. Do not rely on email as the consistent means to communicate with one another.
2. Develop a network. No one achieves success alone. Make an effort to get to know people in your workplace and in your community and look for experiences or interests you have in common.
3. Always be courteous in your communications with one another. Courtesy lets people know that you care.
4. Be consistent and clear in your workplace communications. Consistency builds trust. Asking, “Did I explain this clearly?” will assure that people understood what you said.
5. Compromise decreases the tension associated with conflict. When addressing a problem or conflict, ask, “What is best for the client/program/agency?” so that co-workers will not take the conflict personally. Is your intent to demean or to vent your anger or is it to truly resolve an issue?
6. Listen to what others are saying. Listening demonstrates respect and admiration.
7. Practice common courtesy and tact. In speaking with co-workers, be considerate of their time and points of view. Separate emotion from intellect, and do not be condescending. If you are a manager, set an example and never allow anger to overrule reason. In written communication, this is even more important. While a conversation is a fleeting thing, written documentation is on the record, and can be referred to in the future. Your words, once written, become part of a permanent record. Choose your words carefully, and avoid using an accusatory tone. State your case clearly and concisely without emotion. Read and reread your email before you send it to avoid sending something that you will later regret. Avoid sarcasm. Everything that you write leaves an impression, and the goal should be to always make that impression a positive one.
I would add another topic and that is the issue of gossip in the workplace, the church, or ministry. The dictionary defines gossip as “idle talk or rumor about the personal or private affairs of others.” When used as a verb it means to talk idly about the affairs of others. We all recognize that gossip can only lead to problems, but most of us have at some time in our lives, committed the sin of gossiping about others. It’s very subtle sometimes. How do you know when or if you are expressing concern for someone and sliding over into gossip? For me, it’s a simple test. Do I think that the person being discussed would want the information shared with me and with others? Or, if it is a commentary on someone else, is it something that I or others would say to them face to face? If the answer is no, then its likely gossip and should be stopped. It’s a lot harder to address a problem with a boss or co-worker, instead of gossiping about it; but we are advised in Ephesians 4 to “speak the truth in love.” It doesn’t say; go talk about it to someone else first.
Words are powerful. How we use them is a reflection on our relationship with God and the values we put into practice each and every day. Let’s all pray for and practice the ministry of effective communications.
![[Social Submit this]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_ujmh_ds8T-Mei3gKQLH1IZ8bTgrIsf0aRK3xV4IkuqdCUjIupHOIDwoIdKFLmkLCSONbYXU_uqxe5r8a6ex0XsLFuruw5dYZSm2BRU77jMUfzaw9HKIg=s0-d "[Social Submit this]")
